Husband: I need to go get propane
Me: Maybe you could also take a small load of cardboard to the recycle place?
Husband: I could take some bottles too.
Me: That’s a good idea.
Husband: I don’t want to take bottles! Why are you making me take bottles?
Me: You suggested it.
Husband: Don’t listen to me! I’m stupid!
Me: I’ll make a note.
An actual conversation of a married couple:
Me: Your whack-job cat has decided her new favorite place to sleep is in front of your laundry hamper.
Him: I know. That’s why none of my clothes are in the hamper.
Me: That’s why? What about the clothes that are in the dryer?
Him: They’re stored.
Me: But I need to use the dryer.
Him: You can take them upstairs. That wouldn’t be a problem.
Me: Good to know.
This conversation just happened:
him: This computer is really bad. (note: he is correct. It is slow and old.)
me: I know. I keep saying I’ll get you a new one. I will.
him: I’d rather have a four-wheeler with a leaf vacuum.
me: And no computer?
him: …with a built-in computer.
Today my husband and I both tried to extend the holiday weekend by starting it a lunchtime. We went to the local pub and ate far-too-large cheeseburgers that tasted wonderful. I then decided I would walk home to try to make up for it (not really possible, but worth trying). When I got home this conversation happened:
him: I got your stuff at the store.
me: What stuff?
him: for the refrigerator
me: What stuff?
me: okay – thanks. I’m going to make margaritas.
him: but I got you champagne!
me: I know, but I want a margarita.
him: I saw her.
me (quite used to conversational whiplash): her?
Now I really need the margarita. And possibly some ibuprofen….
upon hearing some unusual noises in the kitchen I realized my husband was doing more than just putting dirty dishes on the counter. The following conversation ensued.
me: The dishes in the dishwasher are clean; I just haven’t put them away yet.
him: Oh. I didn’t know that.
me: Are you putting dirty dishes in with the clean ones?
him: I’m doing it a different way.
me: What does that mean?
him: Be quiet. I’m HELPING.
*dishwasher turns on*