My husband and I were just looking outside and saw a lot of stuff floating in the air. Upon closer inspection we realized there were a bazillion gnats* flying around. The following conversation ensued:

Me: How am I supposed to mow the lawn if I can’t go outside?

Him: Why can’t you go outside?

Me: They could kill me!

Him: They’re not going to kill you.

Me: They could swarm.


Me: Death by gnat bite is a bad way to go, dude.

*any small unidentified flying insect is a gnat. look it up.

Another installment of…

An actual conversation of a married couple:

Me: Your whack-job cat has decided her new favorite place to sleep is in front of your laundry hamper.

Him: I know. That’s why none of my clothes are in the hamper.

Me: That’s why? What about the clothes that are in the dryer?

Him: They’re stored.

Me: But I need to use the dryer.

Him: You can take them upstairs. That wouldn’t be a problem.

Me: Good to know.